To get started, let’s loosen up. Let’s unlock the mind. Today, take twenty minutes to free write. And don’t think about what you’ll write. Just write… And for your first twist? Publish this stream-of-consciousness post on your blog.
I haven’t written a post in such a long time, because I’ve been dealing with chronic back pain. Chronic pain is debilitating. It changes your whole life, as it seems to take over your entire being. It makes even the slightest action appear to be insurmountable. Even little things like taking a shower, become almost impossible, and I find myself looking forward to getting a shower with dread. It’s crazy, because after I shower, I feel cleaner, which makes me feel good, and yet, I am often in such pain, that I would have been happier to forget about it. I haven’t gone to church for many months now, because mornings are especially difficult for me.
It’s crazy, because this isn’t how I pictured my life. I had dreamed of ministering to multitudes, as I continued with prison ministry, and traveled across the U.S. I also deluded myself by thinking that was what God wanted me to do as well. Since I’ve been dealing with this chronic back pain for more than three years now, I’ve come to realize that my ways are not God’s ways, and my thoughts are not His thoughts. For as high as the heavens are, so much higher are His thoughts than mine. I’ve come to realize that God does have a plan for my life, but it is much different than what I thought it would be.
Therefore, I’ll just take one day at a time, and wait for Him to show me what He wants from me. Perhaps He wants me to be still, so that I can focus on Him, instead of my plans. Or maybe He has brought me so low, so that I will understand that anything that I accomplish is a gift from Him, and not of myself. For any good that is accomplished in my life can only come from Him in my current state. Maybe He has brought me to this time of suffering so that I can empathize with others who suffer. For though our suffering might be for different reasons, suffering is still suffering. Another thing that I’ve learned is that suffering for Christ is an honor and a privilege.
Sometimes, it’s hard to think that way and to keep focused, for the pain often outweighs my ability to reason.When it’s really bad, I keep repeating one scripture over and over again. “Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed. Save me and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.” Sometimes, I’m unable to pray, because the pain takes over everything, and sometimes, I’m unable to do anything but cry.
That’s why I wanted to take part in this Writing 101. I figured